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A few years ago, I thought I had it figured out. [I promise, I will move these one day…].  I thought that there were 4 distinct things that would help me realize that I had found “The One.” Butterflies, fireworks, electrifying touch, and weak-in-the-knees kisses.

Well, I revisit that today. These 4 things, I believe, are part of a bigger One Thing.  It’s an indescribable spark that cannot be identified. It’s not butterflies. It’s not breath-taking kisses. There is no physical manifestation of it. It’s just a Spark.

Breaking up with the NiceGuy was not easy. But what played in the back of my mind (for the last few… ahem, several … weeks was that there was no indescribable spark. And I grappled with this because nearly every single box in the “Ideal Candidate” checklist was marked… I had likely found the most qualified candidate to date, and he was nice and good looking, too! And it’s hard to blame it on the Spark, particularly when the NiceGuy hasn’t experienced the Spark. My wish is that he, and everyone else, for that matter, finds the Spark with someone. It really is a powerful and awesome level to a relationship.

But the Spark. It’s a bear. If it’s not there, it’s not there. The Spark can fade over time, but the key is that it was there initially. Because if it fades, it can be reignited. But if there was nothing there to begin with, there is nothing to reignite.

In certain cultures, young people aren’t allowed to find the Spark; they must marry early and sometimes without input. And to some degree, our grandparents or great-grandparents may have gone through the same thing. Mary’s father in The Wedding Planner described his arranged marriage to her late mother: a marriage that grew from appreciation to respect, and eventually from like to love.

I’m not saying that love won’t come of a spark-less (not to be confused with “sparkles”) relationship. But I wonder how much more incredible the love would be with the Spark?

I also don’t know that the Spark can be equated to love at first sight. I think that the Spark may sometimes manifest itself as a playful, bickering, or antagonistic beginning. Think: Laws of Attraction or The Thomas Crown Affair (no coincidence of the male lead other than he is nice to think about). But maybe it does also come in the form of Love at First Sight? I don’t know… I haven’t been there yet.

Regardless, it seems so much simpler now. One Thing. The Spark. Yes or No. It’s there or it’s not. And if I am going to invest a potentially forever amount of time with someone, I think I want the Spark.

Well, I hope that’s the right answer, anyway.

~M

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